Newbie Alcoholic Beverage Advice

Ok, makes sense, drinking with women does seem fun, and I shouldn't bring up my audio stuff (or computer stuff either I presume).
My problem is getting the women to drink with. I knew more girls in high school, because I was on the Nordic ski team, and the crew team, I was forced to get to know women. But now I, and the women are no longer there. I don't know how to meet new ones. IDK how good I am about getting out of my comfort zone. I am pretty socially awkward. People like me once they get to know me, but I am not good at getting to know people. I am not sure I have held a conversation with a woman at my college for longer than 1 minute.

 

Why can't guys every figure this out? When talking to women, talk about what they want to talk about. If they aren't talking ask them questions about them and what they like. Don't talk about you or what you like. If they want to talk about you, they will ask you questions. Show you are interested in them and what they think and feel.

 

Sure, I know that and all. I guess I know how to talk to women, but am too afraid to, even though I know there is nothing to be afraid of.

 

Don’t worry about it at this point. I had trouble talking to women other than as a friend when I was your age. I was afraid of being rejected if I showed a romantic interest, and honestly didn’t know how to show I was interested.

Most women complain that men aren’t good listeners. Be a good listener and you’ll be surprised. Also I found 18 year old women don’t yet realize that smart guys are who they want. I have this on good authority from my gorgeous blonde wife. Who wouldn’t have given me the time of day when we were 18. But by 23, after she had dated a bunch of asshole men, she met me. 32 years later......

Relax, be yourself, you’ll be fine.

Edit: How could I forget. Good things come those who wait.

 

This is somewhat related to what @winders and @Ringingears wrote, and talking to women and booze. A buddy of mine who is a marriage/family therapist made the interesting point about how most marriages break down not ultimately because of the usual suspects (differences over conflict resolution styles, hobbies, finances, etc.) but because of how over time, spouses simply stop being 'curious' about each other as people.

Might sound odd, but it makes a lot of sense when you think about the friendships and relationships in your life that have endured over the years. These people take an interest in you in some meaningful way - and usually, even reflexively, you return that interest. And there's a lot of healthy give and take that comes from that, so that it's not a one way street. So, supposedly, marriages where spouses keep taking a sincere interest in their spouse as a whole person, their marriages just endure somehow through all sorts of personal differences and seasons of life (both good and bad). Definitely find that true in my marriage, especially when I'm being a self-involved ass somehow.

And if you want to apply that to talking to girls in college while not being a loser creep - I'd say, it's hard, but it's as good a time as any to practice and learn how to forget yourself... which is actually one of the best paths to confidence that I know of. You know, just take an interest in a girl not for what you might get out of talking to her, but just pursue the simple pleasure of getting to know someone as another whole human being. She may or may not return the interest, but the fewer agendas you have upfront, I bet the lesser your fear of rejection will be. It's also a good way to spot the shallow crazies early on (who might initially be attractive) from the quality women (that take a bit more meaningful effort to get to know). And hopefully, you'll stumble into a good conversations with someone over a good drink - which is really one of the best things in life.

 

Sure I know that. I had women friends in high school. I just have not met any here in college. But anyway, maybe I will eventually. Hopefully.
I don't think I come off as a creep either. Hopefully.

None of this has to do with the topic of alcohol though.

 

It has everything to do with alcohol. You seem to want to challenge yourself with alcohol. And we want you to use booze as a tool to expand your relationships/friendships. There's a very happy moderation, that I think you're trying to blow right past. We worry for your well being is all...

 

@ButtUglyJeff

Eh, Spwath is only 18. Having fun, finding your limits and doing stupid stuff is all part of the learning process in my book. Life would be effing boring if we're expected to be responsible adults all the time. Have some fun while there's fun to be had, enjoy the ride. Life was meant for living.

However - the real "Life Pro Tip" is to have fun but not do anything that can't be undone. Like knocking up a girl you don't love, driving drunk and killing someone, getting into serious debt (gambling or otherwise) or getting hooked on hard drugs like heroine or crack etc.

 

I didn't really spend much time around my dad when I was at the age where I started wanting to try stupid things out, and my step-dad is superhyperreligious, meaning doing anything remotely unseemly was out of the question. He didn't seem to mind me experimenting with alcohol, though— he caught me and an older cousin with a bottle of 8% ABV beer when I was... 12 or 13 years old? Kinda just shrugged it off and said not to do anything dumb. That's about the most I heard from him on alcohol until somewhat over a decade later when I arrived home in an Uber with regurgitate all over that leftover Christmas present.

Disappointed frown the next day, one liner ("What were you doing getting so drunk you puked all over everything?!", translated from Filipino), then all's well. My mum, who's a lot more conservative about alcohol, said roughly the same. Not every parent knows how to deal with that sorta thing, I think, or heck, even want to get into stuff like drinking. I know I never got the birds and the bees talk from my parents, I learned all that stuff from the internet at age 11.


As for guys making friends with girls with alcohol as a mediator:

I went to an all-guys school and spent 11 years there, from first grade up until senior high. Only times I was ever in co-ed was kinder/prep and undergrad, and you can bet your low-hanging left nut I was an awkward little bastard all throughout that. Still, I have three little sisters I get along well with, apart from our hating each others' guts because that's just what siblings do in their spare time. Anyway as far as I can tell women are easier to talk to, really talk to, than guys. Something about not having to keep up a buff, "I'm macho as hell and IDGAF about anything bruh" facade and actually being more open about emotions.

As Marvey said, it's 2018 and just being friends with members of the opposite gender is par for course now. Admittedly I fancied/fancy one of my female friends, but got shot down. Still smarting from that, but that's another story entirely.

I'm perhaps going into risque territory by saying this, but it is nice to have friends you can ask for advice on cunnilingus, gift ideas, talk about modern feminism and expectations of masculine behaviour, sex toys and what they like during sex, books, movies, anime, psychological journals, video games, audio (sold some of my stuff one of my best friend, got another one into decent earbuds), fashion advice, and music, among many other things. Much more engaging conversations than with most of my guy friends who usually either talk business or, well, girls when we're out drinking.

Drinking has been a part of human culture for millennia. Millennia. It's not going anywhere, and while choosing not to partake won't make life worse, strictly speaking, it's all just fun in a different way. Hell, most of the pervy conversations I have with my female friends were done sober (guess I just made interesting friends). Roll with the whole drinking thing, is what I'm saying, but remember that you're not invincible and that you're the single worst judge of how much you can actually handle. Make sure you have levelheaded friends around when you go drinking.

 

I disregarded all of your advice and I just had 10 shots of the 100 proof Captain in like 1.5 hours. I'm pretty drink.
Edit: make that drunk

 

Don't wory I am talking to real humand. But also to u fucketz.

 

Reposting from your profile feed: Lots of alcohol makes you disinhibited and do stupid, regrettable shit. That’s ‘how it is’. This can range from looking like a loser in front of a girl you like, to pushing your mate over and killing him. Going to bed is a good option.

 

Sorry for the vulgarity but u know how it is. Idk. Not sure how much more .I can type that comes out sensjbally u knoe? Sure ok I'll be leaving now but I fine really. I'm with my friends, I'm good

 

Maybe but I think I'm good. Don't think I can sleep. Just hanging with my friends. I'm good. Fine.

 

"I'm good": Famous words from every drunk person in human history before doing something stupid.

If you have to insist that your fine over and over, your likely not fine. Just drink water and stay around friends. Then come back in the morning when your sober and read your drunk posts.