The Funny/LOL Thread

What was the elephant doing up in a tree?
Wondering how to get down.

Why was the elephant staring out the window?
He couldn't see through the wall.

Why was the elephant on roller skates?
His car was in the shop.

Unrelated:

 

[told with a southern drawl]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

no-i-deee-er.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

still-no-i-deee-er.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no sexual reproductive organs?

still-no-fuckin-i-deee-er.

 

where does a one legged waitress work?

IHOP

 

That reminded me of another one I'd heard.


Where does the Easter Bunny work in the off season?

IHOP

 

Two dumb guys (wait, should be 'educationally mentally handicapped gentlemen') walking down the road. One says "Look at the dead bird"! The other says (looking skyward) "Where?".

Thanks to Henny Youngman.

 

What do you call a group of educationally disadvantaged persons in a field?
A thicket!

 

What does a librarian call a bunch of hookers?
An anthology of pros.

 

The guy that gets shot out of the cannon at the circus quits after many years. The distressed ringmaster says ‘mate, where will I find another man of your calibre’.

 

Grumpy local tree.

 

handicapped is not a politically approved word. Try intellectually differently-abled.

Or just say... stupid!

 

I stand corrected. Stupid it is.

 

Needs a soundtrack.

 

How do you put an elephant into a VW Beetle?
Open door, put elephant in, close door.
How do you put a giraffe into a VW Beetle?
Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

Why do elephants have red eyes?
So they can better hide in cherry trees.
Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? No?
That’s how good they are at hiding.

And the best one:
How can you tell that there’s an elephant in your bed?
By the large E on its pyjamas.

 

Long time ago while living in France a colleague of mine asked me:
„What is the difference between a terrorist and our boss?“
Shrug
„You can negotiate with a terrorist“

 

I think it's been shared before...

 

Why should you never go into the jungle between 2 & 4PM?
Elephants are jumping out of trees.

Why are pygmy's short?
(Do I really have to say it?)

 

What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal?
...
...
...
A polar bear.

 

A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbit walk into a bar. The Rabbit says ‘hang on, I think I’m a typo’.

 

Perfect translation.