WHAT IS SBAF? 10 ARTICLES FOR BEHAVIOR

Thanks! I'm old, stupid and deaf... so wtf am I still a regular in an audio forum. I guess I can't quite completely give it up and... I enjoy the company

Thanks to you too: I was wondering how to explain it. Oddly, I think I was introduced to the concept on this very forum!

IIRC, the terminology comes from an old movie, in which a guy persuades a woman, by subtle suggestion and manipulation, that she is going mad. ok: wiki link

There is a full explanation of why AR finally got the permanent ban, despite his excellent posts on music. It's not fun to read, but is a good example of how running/moderating a forum can be pretty rough. If anyone wants to seek it out. It's in one of those friends only sections. Sometimes people give people another chance: sometimes it doesn't work out. Sometimes it's genuinely sad. (cross-posted with previous).

 

I can only speak to my own experience but I can honestly say I never know what to think in these situations. Part of me always feels for the person on the other side, and I never feel like I understand it enough. Here, I KNOW that is true. Two very different things were seen by two different types of people. Most of us only get to see one. Context always goes missing.

I just get thrown off by how different their experiences come off. I feel like I've always just kind of been myself and it's been fine. Ignored at worst. In my early time here I only ever remember people helping me. More than once I was generously sent things just based on a conversation, once was the first time I think I ever talked to that person at all. Nothing big, but anything is big when you're literally a random forum newbie. Over time I found myself relating to people more and more. At this point I guess I do have a certain tact - my personal code, but past that I just say what's on my mind and never does it go at all like this! It wasn't this transactional social game either to get to this level of investment. Just reading and talking to people, sharing stuff. It's been like any other forum. People in fact haven't ever been mean to me or made me feel like I had to be a certain way. There are a few people here who's styles take some adjusting to - but I don't know of any *GOOD* hobby communities without people like that in them. You gotta just know it isn't personal. It usually isn't.

Though now that I think about it, I can remember plenty of times here where I have pulled back because I went and saw something that made me think twice... and just decided to let the conversation run. That's just out of respect for the people having the conversation, which I know I'm not adding to. It's a code I already have with forums, though. Again, I don't think that's unique to here. It falls under 'presumed etiquette until proven otherwise' for me. I know these days, especially post-new-social-media people are a lot more individualistic about their interactions online. Want more freedom when it comes to how they engage with people. I don't know if that's always good. I like forums for taking me away from that. The idea that people should just say what they want at all times in every internet community doesn't resonate with me. It's not how I personally operate or where I want to be - it's the worst aspect of those big, open 'hub' style communities.

I guess it comes down to what you're trying to get out of the experience and how you go about it. I think with any forum you have to be a little patient. It is a little bit of a popularity contest, they usually are more tight-knitted. Forum denizens generally are very protective of their little internet havens, too. It's just that this isn't ALL that they are about. You're getting nothing out of that, it's just the bare mechanics of social hierarchies at work and you're going through the motions if you play it high-school style. Those trends alone don't define what the interactions themselves are to people. It's not good or bad. And people do care beyond that - the community and the people in it are important to anybody who sticks around.

In fact, once you become friend, you realize that shit truly does not mean anything and not even friends care that much about your friend status, or your clout with different people. Sure, there's a core melting point where we recognize and look after each other. But beyond that it is about your contributions and how you treat people. If you are a dick to people, get too demanding, argue too many tangential things/soapbox frequently, or just flat out are not respecting the spirit of the threads you post in, it won't really matter who you are, who you personally know, how long you've been here. I have seen this shit go down here. It truly is not about status, not from what I've seen.


Again, it's a patience thing in my mind. The beauty of the forum world is in how they are so fragmented and compartmentalized that you never need to go in and try to make things happen. You ride a few out and see what sticks. This all strikes me as a nasty case of trying to make something into what one wants to see it as instead of simply appreciating what it already is. They all have their ways about them, to me that's the point of them. You're always gonna be subject to the sway of things though. "Control" has never been the selling point for forums.

It's great when you find that place that feels like it's tailored for you, though. I doubt if I'm high up on anyone's 'esteemed contributors' list but I can say this place feels right to me and I really like being on SBAF. It's been a better experience than expected, really far and away from what people with negative experiences describe. It was semi-closed registration but even then I can't say I ever felt turned away on. But see, that's what throws me off when I see stuff like this.

I think it's easy to get caught up in shit but on a personal level the bulk of the drama is entirely avoidable on any forum, including this one. Like, you never need to go all the way through it. I always try to remember what I'm seeking these interactions for. There are times where (and maybe this is just me not being neurotypical) I have to catch myself and be like "Hey, this isn't what you wanted from this. This isn't what you're doing. Something isn't right with this." No reason to get frustrated. Just step into something else, come back and think it over, maybe just find a different point of interaction on the forum. This isn't like, some weirdo cult shit. This is shit you do for YOU. So that you don't lose your mind spinning your wheels and chasing dissatisfying interactions.

When I put myself in the other person's shoes I get this nagging feeling. I look at what they're saying and it is intuitive for me to sympathize. I look around and I see a few people are actually dishing it out. Things are escalating. I usually don't really know what it's about, so I file it under "general bad times" for utility purposes.

But what strikes me is how when I look at that person, and I size up what's being brought to them, I just can't see myself reacting the same way... saying some of the things they'll say. Does that make sense? It just gets harder to relate over time.

Maybe that's my barrier, just something I can't grasp. It just makes it very hard for me to pick sides. One side of me says I should care when shit is going down where I often sit. But the other side of me says the fact that I don't know only shows it's not a choice that's relevant to me. If I knew what side to be on, that would make me a part of it by default.

 

Sadly, did anyone who's been here long enough think this wouldn't end up like the last 2 times? And like the last 2 times, I hope he doesn't come back to do it all again for his own sake.

 

Only three absolutes in life.

Death, Taxes, High School Never Ends.

Im still trying to figure this place out....maybe its why I keep coming back...

I always thought Super Best Audio Friends was tongue in cheek or cynical....

Edit - I should clarify, I thought the "super best" portion was tongue in cheek/cynical. I like that people here can disagree but still be friends. That isnt as common in the world as it once was.

 

Dino, Ray, Rex Aeterna...the Friend part is real.

 

I’m always a little baffled when people say SBAF is a difficult place to fit in. To me, it’s a lot more personal (and personable) experience than most places on the net.

Is there some high school humor here? Sure. But I don’t think SBAF is like HS. Rather, it’s more like the HS folks you reconnect with on Facebook after 10+ years. You realize that kids you thought you had nothing in common with are now interesting people. Sure, you might get into weird debates about politics, but it never prevents you from being civil about the important stuff, because you’re now old enough to get that people are flawed and complicated, yourself included.

I haven’t met anyone here in person. I don’t think I’m part of any clique. I’ve asked dumb questions. I’ve argued politics. Etc. But I’ve somehow been a “Friend” for years now and have forged some great relationships through DMs.

I think fitting in at SBAF comes down to tone. Disagree with people in a way that shows respect. Bring some evidence, usually in the form of detailed listening notes, to support your position. Don’t post glib retorts or hide behind anonymity as an excuse to be an asshole. Other than that, just following the basic posting and organizational conventions of SBAF, which might seem baffling to a noob, but make sense pretty quickly with patient lurking.

 

I still have Ray's Auteur.

Miss those guys.

 

Side note.... I forgot we could ignore people here and I don’t think I’ve ever done it. I guess whenever someone gets to the point where I think ignoring might be a good idea, the mods beat me to it and take care of that situation. The SBAF system works.

 

I can see why is that true to some people. SBAF imo is not ego friendly or insecurities friendly place and that's fine, you have Headfi if you are that kind of person.

So yes I do believe SBAF is not for everyone and that's what makes it special to me. If ever it becomes omega friendly place for everyone I am the first to leave to HF, it's more crowded there...

 

Everything Josh83 said. That said you convict me @Armaegis and I will be more patient in the future.

 

Most of the Mods seem to have been here for a while and would remember AR. On two previous occasions, AR has been ejected from the forum.
Why was he allowed back a third time? I had no idea that SBAF was so kind and patient with anti social Assholes like Rimmer.
Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.
Yo, Thad, how old are you?

We need to start an old audio fools thread for 65 and older.

 

Not so much arsehole as sick. But the end result is arsehole. I'm not uncaring or inhumane, but I know that this is stuff that is out of my depth. I can't handle it, leave it to professionals who can. The best care I can offer is to stay well away.

lol, 69 this july.

 

You are 69?
You sure are as sexy as 69, but damn.

Much younger spirit, man.

 

I had a wall of text typed up but not really worth it at this point. In brief, yeah the way SBAF does things works and I'm happy to have found this place, occasional drama notwithstanding. Faugh on fairweather friends; candor is far more refreshing (and useful).

Nice

 

Hey guys...I am 72 until April then 73.

 

Meh, that's just a number, you are one of the youngest spirits here!

 

They used to always say two things to me; "Won't you ever grow up?" and "Were you born old?"

Thanks for the good words, guys: it all helps. I looked under 40 until I was sixty. Then time demanded its due. That's life.

I try to stay a bit daft

 

The only person I've ever ignored here, and happy to have done it. Something just wasn't right in the attitude…seemed to always be fishing for "likes".