The Funny/LOL Thread

Easter's coming!

 

I'm happy to announce that this year Easter has a sponsor!

 

You know how sometimes you wake up after a long sleep feeling headachy, groggy, and frankly, just pissed off? Imagine how it felt for the big guy to wake after being dead for 3 days. We're all pretty lucky he didn't snap and flex those superpowers a little too much (ie, bring the sun 200% closer; kill everyone wearing sandals; create a hailstorm with hail the size of pumpkins).

With a slightly less chill deity than this, a lot of bad shit might have happened...

 

You're saying it didn't?

When is Armageddon? Right now.

Sorry. I'll go back to trying to be funny

I'll get my coat. (A'm'a'gedd'n out of here)

 

Correction: "A lot of even worse shit might have happened"

 

The internet in a nutshell.

 

This is what I believe: “Solar panel for a sex machine”…. I’m sticking with it…

 

I humbly offer this correction:

 

Okay, another true story. I was doing a political fundraiser at the NSW Art gallery years ago and was supposed to have given out drink vouchers (what, am I Elvis??). Anyway, I forgot to, so I told the audience I would quote from famous movies and the person that guessed the movie first got a drink voucher. I made it easy: ‘Frankly my dear I don’t give a damn’. Of course someone got Gone with the Wind. ‘Play it again Sam’ (yes I know that’s not the exact line) - Casablanca - another winner. Then, I even did a lousy Austrian accent -‘I’ll be back’!
Some drunk at the back yells out ‘The Passion of the Christ’. I gave him all the vouchers.

 

I'm sure you would have accepted either of two alternate answers:

1 - Mel Gibson

2 - Frankenstein's monster

 

Here's my true story: for many years a client, a branded novelty company, hired me 2-4x/year to write humorous/ironic t-shirt slogans. I wrote something like 9,000-10,000 slogans in that time. It was so much fun I would've paid them to let me do it (but they didn't know that).

Anyway, here's one no one but me liked (riffing on CASABLANCA). Please read this in Bogey's voice:

Of all the barns in all the towns in all the world

that goat walks into mine…

 

Hey @YMO - looks like somebody published your GF's phone records!

 

My gf is not a slut

 

The four grammatical horses' asses of the apocalypse.