The Funny/LOL Thread

Discussion in 'Random Thoughts' started by ultrabike, Oct 15, 2015.

  1. Armaegis

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    I knew a guy who did that ring beard for one day when he started off with a massive beard and mop of hair and basically progressed to a new style every day or two. I imagine most people have just done it for a laugh.
     
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  2. Armaegis

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    Another table conversation from my university days. Somehow the subject of treasure trails comes up and we start lobbying around what words should you use for a really hairy person. Treasure road? highway? Then one of the particularly hirsute guys in the group stands up and begins lifting his shirt... "behold, the autobahn..."
     
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  3. Rob the Comic

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    I know, right. Kind of makes them look like circumcised dicks with faces.
     
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  4. Rob the Comic

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  5. Thad E Ginathom

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    Maybe you should not mention that association to your therapist!

    Anyway, here's a old one. And a bad one too, but it is protected under the Vintage Jokes Act, so don't throw things at me...


    Therapist has a pile of assorted pics of landscapes, flowers, animals, etc. One by one, he shows them to the patient:

    "what does this remind you of?"

    "Sex."

    "What does this one make you think of?"

    "Sex."

    "And this one?"

    "Sex."

    "This one?"

    "Sex."
    This continues through the whole pile. The therapist says,

    "I think we have an easy diagnosis here: you're a sex maniac,"

    "What do you mean, I'm a sex maniac: You're the one with the dirty pictures!"​
     
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  6. Rob the Comic

    Rob the Comic Almost "Made"

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  7. Pharmaboy

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    Why?

    Why not?

    Cat_dollhouse.jpg
     
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  8. Rob the Comic

    Rob the Comic Almost "Made"

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    When you are out to dinner with two chicks and some arsehole at the next table starts painting you.
     
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  9. Rob the Comic

    Rob the Comic Almost "Made"

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    This one has no punchline!!

    (Ouch, even I’m sorry I posted this) :)
     
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  10. Pharmaboy

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    Being on The Funny/LOL Thread means never having to say you're sorry.
     
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  11. Pharmaboy

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    The Boss.jpg
     
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  12. Thad E Ginathom

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    I just wanted to know... if she's finished with that newspaper?
     
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  13. Thad E Ginathom

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    "I'm sorry, Sir, Madam, but I think that just might be a highly secret printout that accidentally got thrown out from our lab last week. If I could just take a look..."
     
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  14. Pharmaboy

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    Hey, asshole--we're trying to enjoy our ground-squirrel flambe over here!
     
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  15. Rob the Comic

    Rob the Comic Almost "Made"

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    I had a guy come up to me on a train once; says “hey mate, are you reading that paper you’re sitting on?”
    I said “yes, as a matter of fact I am” and I stood up, turned the page and sat down again. I know what you’re thinking; but if I was a smart ass - I would have sat on the crosswords! :))
     
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  16. Thad E Ginathom

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    I couldn't help wondering how much photoshop had been applied to that painting, but the answer is... none. It's a genuine painting. And the guy who did it copied a very similar composition by his teacher.

    So... this must have been quite a problem back then!
     
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  17. Pharmaboy

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    A young, male lion walks through the African veldt--full of himself, bedazzled by his own adolescent strength, agility & grace. Accordingly, he's ungracious in the extreme towards other animals. First he runs into a giraffe, whom he teases mercilessly. "Your neck is longer than your legs--and your legs are longer than my entire body! You're a freak of nature...whereas I am a lion, young, strong, and handsome." The giraffe walks on, oblivious. Then the lion encounters a hippo. He laughs in the hippo's face and ridicules him: "Your legs are as wide as my entire body, but they're barely long enough to reach the ground. You're fat, grey, and have the biggest mouth on earth! Whereas I am a lion, young, strong, and handsome." The hippo shrugs it all off and walks away.

    Finally the lion encounters a large frog sitting in a water hole. The lion is inspired to a frenzy of cruel criticism: "You're are the ugliest creature ever! You're short; have webbed feet; holes instead of ears; you're covered with slime; and you're a disgusting green color...whereas I am a lion, young, strong, and handsome."

    The frog sighs, looks the lion in the eyes, and replies, "Fuck you. I've been sick."
     
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  18. Rob the Comic

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  19. Pharmaboy

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    An old college pal of mine said something once that I still haven't stopped laughing at. I was crashing at his place in Medford, MA. One morning I found him sitting at the kitchen table with an odd, distracted look. "What wrong?" I asked.

    He replied, "I had a nightmare last night. It was a bunch of big beefy guys wearing holstered sidearms and badges. They were sitting at desks in an open squad room. On the back wall were 2 swinging-type doors marked, "Do Not Enter Without Gown & Mask." These guys were all very tearful & upset...sobbing their guts out.

    This sign hung over the entrance to the squad room:

    MORGUE COPS
    They mourn the city's dead

    (I still haven't recovered from this)
     
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  20. Rob the Comic

    Rob the Comic Almost "Made"

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    Okay, in response to above. Here is MY TRUE COP STORY and How TO LOSE 1000 Facebook friends in one go.

    When I was a boy at a very rough school there was this bully who went on to become a cop (I have plenty of cop friends BTW) but this guy was a big bully who used to knuckle people in the arm muscle - you know the thing.
    Never thought about him for 50 years until he pops up on Facebook having had a stroke and looking for money. Of course I wrote “whose got the dead arm now Cunt?”
    Being an entertainer I had many friends - not so much now ha ha. No use trying to explain.
     
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