Star Wars: The Force Awakens [SPOILERS ABOUND]

The thing that annoyed me the most was the giant cartoon in the throne room, motion captured by Andy Serkis.

Why not just put Serkis onscreen? He was bizarrely wonderful in the 2008 Little Dorrit miniseries.

 

Star Wars is built upon conveniences: Storm Troopers always missing is one, and Luke blowing up the original Death Star by firing one set of missiles down the one exhaust pipe that isn't covered by any type of grill or other means that leads directly to the reactor the likes of which was only possible because Han Solo arrives at just the right time to clear Luke's way.

 

Well sure. But why not have a normal-height character with ... insecurities! Just like Kylo Ren. Throw in a micropenis if it really needs to be about the physical.

(Wasn't Yoda's whole message about that not mattering?)

 

Yep. It's sad that all the great threads that were set up in Empire are tied up "neatly" and basically discarded in Jedi so that the trilogy could be over.

Han and Leia are "together" now. And "Generals".
Yoda just wants to be dead.
Primitive teddy bears defeat crack troops.
Anakin is a ghost.

And so on.

 

Spoiler: Spoiler

Why do people like Rey? Girl power? More like unrealistic and infallible heroine character. The scene where she force grabs the lightsaber away from Kylo, everyone in my theater started applauding. I almost threw up in my mouth. How does this chick who's never used the Force suddenly gain the ability to use Jedi Mind Trick (a presumably difficult magic trick) all of a sudden? How does she face-down the kick-ass Sith villian who's been set up as our Vader, even if he's injured and (presumably) emotionally compromised? Kylo Ren might be a "Padawan" but Rey is a f'ing youngling. And moreover, giving the benefit of the doubt, it's bad writing. We learn Vader is bad ass and will stomp anyone in his way. He executes his own officers, beats Obi-Wan, and generally exerts himself as a force to be reckoned with. In Luke's first dual he gets his hand chopped off and slapped around by daddy. We need this because it makes the next encounter all the more exhilarating and cathartic when he comes back and chops daddy's hand off. How the hell does Karate Kid turn out if he beats the cocky blonde kid within the first 30 minutes? It's a load of shit. Instant gratification. Crowd-pleasing, "girl-power" bullshit that cheapens the plot. Rey was one of the worst parts of this movie. I was hoping we would get to see more Poe. Actually, I'd prefer if the whole series was centered around Poe and his wacky turncoat sidekick, Finn.

Again, absolute garbage.

 

The plot of Return of the Jedi is

1. In between movies, Luke has turned to the Dark Side and rescues Han by threatening to kill everyone and killing everyone. Yoda tells the audience that he has turned when he leaves Dagobah.
2. In between movies, the rebels met these squid aliens with a massive fleet of star ships who have some sort of undisclosed grudge against Palpatine. Squid aliens whose leader can show up leading the squid battlecruiser armada into a "trap" and have enough fire power to blow away a good portion of the Imperial fleet as soon as anyone trained in squad tactics, even stoned Harrison Ford and Princess Leia, can disable the shields.
3. Luke is saved from cyborg hell on earth by his dad's prior example.

 

But why did Obi-Wan have to be an old ghost when Anakin got to be a young ghost???

 

Ummmm...he ordered an entire village of innocent people to be killed. But yeah...I guess that's no big deal.

 

The prequels/special editions aren't really canon. How did Anakin go from being around 60 something in Jedi to being 20 something less than 30 years before? Luke is pushing 30 in Jedi. It's not like those skin grafts covering the burns on his face got to see much sun. Maybe Lucas retconned Vader into just being a head and guts with full body prosthesis as he saw Robocop.

 

Spoiler

These too me are both dumb. Just because Luke was pathetic doesn't mean we should hold him up at he gold standard for how one learns about the force. Even Anakin was better at controlling the force as an 8 year old than Luke was for a while. I for one welcome someone learning about their force powers in this way.

Secondly, Kylo Ren was never intended to be Darth Vader, there's no point in comparing the two. He's trying to be Vader, but he's nowhere close.

it's surprising to me to see everyone simultaneously upset that this movie is too much like A New Hope and at the same time too different from a new hope and therefore awful.

 

Oh, he did. Right at the Emperor Palpatine Surgical Reconstruction Center.

Spoiler

I agree with this one. We did not need a carbon copy dark badass villain.

 

Well, I've searched a lot about the higher ground advantage, and as far as I got, it was pretty fair, in a sword duel, if someone had a higher ground he would have a nice advantage.

Pretty "meh" dude, hope they don't make him a hero in the future.

Because Lucas edited the old movie, it was an old dude before the prequels.

She's Luke daugher with a unkown sith, the rule of two exist no more.

 

Thread changed to spoiler danger-zone. No more need for spoiler boxes.

 

Lawrence Kasdan wrote Empire and Force Awakens. As a script, I put Force Awakens as the 3rd best movie, just edging out Revenge of the Sith (Empire, Star Wars, FA)

Agree with all of your back story issues as I am lost in regards to Republic/Rebellion/First Order business. I don't mind Kylo Ren as pretty much as it seems all Jedi have to be super angsty teens and twenty-somethings... Maybe the movie feel that they have to appeal to that demographic.