Discussion in 'Random Thoughts' started by ultrabike, Oct 15, 2015.
Couldn’t remember where to find the thread for funny classified ads, but I’m really enjoying the photo choice here:
In today's Time Travel feature, we return to 1958...
Q. What's the definition of being cultured?
A. Being able to hear Rachmaninov's 2nd Piano Concerto without thinking of of the movie Brief Encounter.
And if you don't think that's funny, don't blame me. Contact your time-travel-machine dealer.
Wait! Hang in there, 1958, for a minute...
Mummy, Mummy, Can I go and play with Granny?
No dear, you've dug her up three times this week already!
Does anyone else remember any mummy-mummy jokes? I think my memory is down to two,
Mummy, Mummy! I hate Jim's guts!
Then leave them on the side of your plate, dear.
Mummy, mummy, I'm tired of running around in circles!
Shut up junior, or I'll nail the other foot to the floor.
Mummy, mummy, why are we pushing daddy's chair over the cliff?
Shut up junior, you'll wake him up.
We had those jokes in Germany, too, and most of them were really bad.
Two more I remember:
Mummy, Mummy, I don’t want to go to America!
Shut up and keep swimming!
And one I actually found funny:
Mummy, Mummy, all the others say my feet are too large!
Shut up and put the shoes into the garage!
More Mummy Mummy Jokes!
I remember that one
LOL! New to me. A nice one!
I remember that one
Another new one to me
Mummy mummy, are you sure this is how you bake cookies?
Shut up and get back in the oven.
I think I remember that one as
Mummy, mummy, what are we having for dinner tonight?
I did a gig years ago at a place called Wollombi. One of my gags was describing the Prime Minister as being called ‘Bonsai’ because he was just a miniature Bush (George W) and being so dense light bent around him.
Some guy in the crowd - who I found out later was the School Headmaster and famous for being an arrogant dick - yelled out ‘Singularity’. I informed him I knew what a Black Hole was but he carried on a little which leads me to the point of this story.
I then said ‘mate, I have very specific criteria for what constitutes intelligence. When you see the letters ABBA do you think of a Petrarchan Sonnet construction as opposed to a Spenserian, or a Swedish pop group? And when you hear Green Sleeves, do you think of variations on a theme of Thomas Tallis by Vaughan Williams or Mister Whippy? (Ice Cream van music here). And when you hear ‘Monarch of the Glen’ do you think of the reformation painting by Landseer or the show on the ABC? Because I’m going out on a limb here and saying; you’re sitting in front of the TV watching the ABC, eating ice cream and humming Mama fucking Mia!’
Spur of the moment, but it shut him up and I never had to pay for another drink in that town while I was there.
So, the other day an eminent French physicist posted this photo on twitter with the following caption:
"Picture of Proxima Centauri, the nearest star to the Sun, located 4.2 light years away from us. It was taken by the JWST [James Webb Space Telescope]. This level of detail... A new world is unveiled everyday"
Turns out, it's actually just a slice of chorizo.
These two are dumb.
Mummy, mummy, what's a vampire?
Shut up son and finish your blood.
Mummy, mummy, what's a werewolf?
Shut up son and comb your face.
Ha Ha, I like that one!
Separate names with a comma.