Schiit Toliet Paper Review (NSFW) - AKA Schiitroll

@schiit makes a lot of good products over the years. I notice that they sell the Schiit branded Toilet Paper, so I picked up two rolls. I was very curious on their performance to other toilet paper in the market, since we all use toilet paper one way or another. From easy stools to hot pot diarrhea, we need toilet paper in our life.

Some of people’s best time of their lives are on the toilet. So let it flow!



Toilet Paper Used for Review: Amazon Brand - Presto! 313 2-Ply Sheet Mega Roll Toilet Paper, Unscented, Ultra-Soft, 12 Rolls (2 Packs of 6), Equivalent to 60 Regular Rolls, White.

Feel: The Schiit Toilet Paper (the “Schiitroll” going forward) feels like the type of toilet paper where you have to launch some liquid stools at a Walgreens/Walmart/Overprice Fast Food Joint: Feels thin, scratchy, and may not hold up to hot pot diarrhea/over spiced Pho. The butthole also doesn’t like the feel of the toilet paper near it.

Look: The Schiitroll have the Schiit logo on it, with the Schiit Happens motto on it, and the website link. Compared to other toilet paper in the market, the link printing is of solid quality that won’t link out when the toilet paper meets the toilet water. Also, at least there’s a pattern on the toilet paper so it will do an ok job when it is time to put your left hand in you know what for the cleaning. It will be decent enough to pick up the corn pieces from you know what.

Sound Rip Quality: By doing one rip of a piece of the Schiitroll, it makes a wimpy noise. The noise ratio of this Toilet Paper is on the weaker end of things.

Flush Quality: It’s works great and won’t clog your toilet, but this is thin one-ply Toilet Paper the Schiitroll is. Schiit does happen.

Value: One of the worse values from the Schiit line. Cost $10 per roll.


Butt Poo Steaming of Consciousness:

For testing out the Schiitroll, I had to test different types of foods and abusing what hits my toilet.

To get off the bat, the Schiitroll is excellent for strong stools that I get from Burger King, MickyDs, and non-spicy foods. The ones that it comes out nice and not messy. Even the basic one-ply Schiitroll works great on it, but I did feel the sting when it touching my butthole too much.

What the Schiitroll starts to fail is the loose stools, and very hot pot diarrhea and ultra hot Indian. What do I mean by hot pot diarrhea? Well it is super wet down there and it appeared that your butthole has a betel nut problem when it is time to flow out of your butt. Might as well make your butt turn Taiwanese at this point.

Like all one-ply toilet paper, you have to use so much paper to even do the clean up duty of all that liquid stool. I don’t know how Koreans can handle spicy foods, but even have some good Army Base Stew at a local Korean joint made me be on the toilet for a little bit. Schiitroll did poorly regarding handling the liquid hot stool. The Schiitroll also made the butthole hurt even more due to being scratchy. So after the 30 minute toilet experience your butt will be super hurting. Wish I did a Double Whopper Heavy Onions after killing my insides from all this AZN food that is super good. Also, I don’t get why Koreans don’t get butthole replacement surgery after eating their diet for a bit. Good thing that their food don’t make you feel fat unlike the Chinese.

The Schiitroll also fails a lot from eating heavy fiber foods like salads. I love salads, but it does make me flow too much and make my stool too gross in color. So in other word, too liquid then the Schiitroll will start to fail. Very solid stool and the Schiitroll will be a success.

So it is similar to my love of the OG Bifrost 2. Think of the OG Bifrost 2 as making solid stools that is heavy but comes out great on the low end with no mess and it is a pleasure The loose stools and hot pot diarrhea are like the brighter sounding DACs/ESS stuff: Painful to deal with both in your ears and below you where you want to end the experience as soon as possible. Also, it can make you a hater on ESS stuff and spicy foods.

One more point: If you do get your salad tossed, I don’t recommend using this toilet paper before the act due to the pain it can cause your butthole. The feeling from behind will most likely make you feel so much in pain. Thanks @penguins for the background of this idea.



A sore butthole conclusion: Schiitroll is great next to your Schiit equipment. I would only use the Schiitroll for the cleanup when you must. The Amazon Toilet Paper that I get is much better than the Schiitroll. But Schiit Happens per the Toilet Paper, so there is always that. If you eat a lot of ultra spicy foods, then I would avoid trying out this toilet paper. If you eat steak, then the stool quality should be solid so the Schiitroll would be a good fit for you.

 

Bidet for the win

 

ITT: Yep it's Florida.

For the record for the rest of SBAF - I have nothing to do with this but this is hilarious.

 

Wait wait, I thought this was damping material for speaker cabinets and hanging in front of tweeters...

 

Hmmm... my Kohler Novita bidet is made in Korea.

 

Is the Schittroll good for headphones modding (toilet paper mod)?

 

I find this review highly subjective without measurements.

The last thing we can trust is our buttholes for toilet paper quality, the only thing that matters is SUNAD (Sheets Used Number per Average Dump).

 

I don't know if this will be sufficient for damping, but the Schiitroll is enough for damping you know what.

I would say no.

Good idea. I completed my morning visit by using six sheets per SUNAD on solid easy stool. On my Amazon Toilet Paper it takes me three sheets.

Also there a Chili cookoff near my house today, planning to go visit it so I can do more testing.

 

Nice review but I would have just rated it warmpoo.

 

Loaner tour?

 

Probably won't find this on the Used Deals Thread.

 

Can’t handle warmpoo.

Buy a roll and find out.

You never know.

At a chili cookoff event…..

 

You know this could be sooooooo much worse, right?

 

Incoming.

 

Japan has been waiting for this moment

 

Have your phone app allow you to sync to a Bidet that @JK47 loves so much. Read SBAF on the toilet, blow up the toilet, use the Schiit app for clean up duty.

 

Wondering if Forkbeard…

 

Buttbeard

 

I was assuming Fartbeard app?